I came across an old blog I set up more than 5 years ago. I never updated it after my first entry.
Look!
An entry with less than 10 words but says so much more about what I went through. I remember this was right before Sneaker Pimps Manila in 2005. Man oh man. I organized a bunch of sneaker events back then and I didn't even get to attend half of it.
For the longest time I was made to think that if I did something she didn't like or refuse to understand, even though there was NOTHING wrong with it, I was the worst person on the planet.
God knows you were just looking for something that would pin me down so you wouldn't feel as bad on what you've been doing the past year or two.
I knew you were glad Typhoon Ondoy happened. Come to think of it, you were probably the only person in the world who felt that way. It gave you the chance to creep up on me in my sleep, get my cellphone from my pocket and read every message that you've been wanting to see in my inbox ever since I bought my first unit in 2000. I mean seriously, who the fuck does that shit!?
Imagine if you went through it and didn't see a thing. Your conscience would still be eating you alive for ruining everything. So what if I started seeing other people? That happened AFTER you left me. It's not like you locked yourself in the house. Did you really expect me to stop living? Get the fuck out of here with that mentality. The world doesn't revolve around you.
It's sad how you cried and made it seem like you missed a big part of life by telling me that you never slept with another man. Well now that you're single (I heard you want to remove my name from the kids', just like what you did to yours), fuck 'til you drop!
I'm glad I never said yes to you last June when you begged me on the phone to get back together with you. I still have the recorded convo saved. Gotta love technology. Maybe I should post a podcast here soon? That way, your so called friends will finally know THE TRUTH. You've fooled them the same way you fooled me with your life of lies. I'm not even surprised that a few of my old friends are closer to you now. I mean if they were really my friends they would've at least asked me if your stories were true. Eh, what do I care? I won't hate on you or them because you all share a common trait. Being materialistic.
You never did stop living it up even though for some time you fooled people into thinking that you lived a very pitiful life after the separation. Truth is, you just wanted me out of the way so you could get away with whatever you wanted to do. You started hanging out with losers who never get laid but have been dying to start a family or worse, find it difficult to maintain a relationship with a decent partner even though they are in their 30s.
"Oh look at me! I talk a lot of smack about other people and I don't even know my real last name. The Playa Hater's Ball here I come!"
"Yeah I'm such a stud. I'm a hot shot banker and I creep on married women. In fact, I'm diggin' this rich chick with 3 kids! Talk about wise investment and makin' bank!"
"I'm an illegal immigrant and I will marry the next white guy who shows interest in me even if he looks like Mackenzie Crook. I need that green card. Me luv you long time!"
* SHOTS FIRED *
* SHOTS FIRED *
* SHOTS FIRED *
Call the Amber Lamps!
